Valentine’s Day Part 6

When you are starving nearly everything taste good, even stale crackers. People who have almost died at sea or in an airplane have kissed the ground after landing. Normally we do not put our lips to pavement and if you didn’t know the situation it would look crazy to see a guy kissing the ground. Loneliness will make people do crazy things too. Loneliness is the greatest modern hunger. In big crowded cities I see many lonely people; it’s a strange oxymoronic existence.

People in the countryside on the other hand are much closer. Part of the reason is due to it being easier to get to know more people in smaller more stable populations. I suspect it’s also because they are not so cut off from natural rhythms. They are a little more in their bodies and less in their heads so they aren’t as starved for intimacy. Try it. Go sit alone in a park and compare it with sitting alone in your apartment. I think you’ll find being alone in a park much less lonely.

If you are lonely be aware of of your loneliness but don’t let it drive you into a bad relationship. Again when you are starving everything taste good. After a while, when you are no longer starving, you will notice the bad taste. By then it is often too late. This is why it is bad to go food shopping when hungry. Hungry people go home and wonder why they spent so much money on so many things they don’t really need. So try very hard not to let your hunger, you loneliness, dictate your relationship choices for you. Be strong and determined to choose a nourishing relationship that taste good and is satisfying even after you are feeling full.

Valentine’s Day Part 5

Sometimes we can’t find love because we are afraid of getting hurt. We unconsciously block or avoid opportunities for meeting people. Now you can go to a fortuneteller, astrologer, spiritual advisor, priest, psychologist and be told innumerable reasons you can’t find love like bad karma, poor star alignment, negative attitude, angry ancestors or gods. The solution to all those “reasons” is education. Learn more about yourself and humans. Learn about behavior.

I think we don’t get enough relationship education. While you are searching for love read as much as you can about relationships and human behavior. Be careful of authors with formulas or secrets to relationships. And especially be weary of authorities who aren’t in a relationship or who make their own relationships sound like heaven. Every relationship has challenges, even the one we have with ourselves. This is why I’m weary of people who says their relationships are great all the time. I suspect they are either lying or in denial. Find a true voice that doesn’t sell fantasy. Inspiration is wonderful but it should be grounded in reality. Read authors who touch on the difficulties and offers possible solutions to finding and creating happy harmonious relationships. My tip for a successful relationship is communication. Good communication will get a couple through most of life’s challenges.

Finally get back to kid logic. When you are with someone ask yourself if you actually enjoy their company or if you are just enchanted by their looks or the magic of the moment. Romance for the sake of romance can be a terrible illusion. You think you’re living a dream only to wake up and realize the after effect of the dream is a nightmare.

When people first meet the excitement is due to the freshness of the relationship. It’s like when a new restaurant opens and everyone excitedly rushes to try it out. After actually trying the food and service some will love it, others will think it’s ok, and some will hate it. Meeting new people isn’t so different. So always ask yourself if you truly are having fun and are able to relate to them. Do you share common values? Do you agree on many issues? You won’t find someone who likes exactly all the same things you do and trying new things is fun, but you should not have to lose who you are to find a mate.

Learn as much as you can about yourself. Really understand and respect your likes and dislikes. I have met many people who think there is something wrong with themselves simply because their partner doesn’t like a particular trait or behavior they have. They are trying to change or fix something that another person might adore. Too many people come to me thinking they have negative self esteem when all they have is a partner who is negative about them. When I make the actual problem clear to them the solution is easy to see, not be easy to do, but freeing when actually done. Good education will help you avoid getting into difficult to leave situations. So get well educated and finding love will be much less scary.

Valentine’s Day Part 5

Sometimes we can’t find love because we are afraid of getting hurt. We unconsciously block or avoid opportunities for meeting people. Now you can go to a fortuneteller, astrologer, spiritual advisor, priest, psychologist and be told innumerable reasons you can’t find love like bad karma, poor star alignment, negative attitude, angry ancestors or gods. The solution to all those “reasons” is education. Learn more about yourself and humans. Learn about behavior.

I think we don’t get enough relationship education. While you are searching for love read as much as you can about relationships and human behavior. Be careful of authors with formulas or secrets to relationships. And especially be weary of authorities who aren’t in a relationship or who make their own relationships sound like heaven. Every relationship has challenges, even the one we have with ourselves. This is why I’m weary of people who says their relationships are great all the time. I suspect they are either lying or in denial. Find a true voice that doesn’t sell fantasy. Inspiration is wonderful but it should be grounded in reality. Read authors who touch on the difficulties and offers possible solutions to finding and creating happy harmonious relationships. My tip for a successful relationship is communication. Good communication will get a couple through most of life’s challenges.

Finally get back to kid logic. When you are with someone ask yourself if you actually enjoy their company or if you are just enchanted by their looks or the magic of the moment. Romance for the sake of romance can be a terrible illusion. You think you’re living a dream only to wake up and realize the after effect of the dream is a nightmare.

When people first meet the excitement is due to the freshness of the relationship. It’s like when a new restaurant opens and everyone excitedly rushes to try it out. After actually trying the food and service some will love it, others will think it’s ok, and some will hate it. Meeting new people isn’t so different. So always ask yourself if you truly are having fun and are able to relate to them. Do you share common values? Do you agree on many issues? You won’t find someone who likes exactly all the same things you do and trying new things is fun, but you should not have to lose who you are to find a mate.

Learn as much as you can about yourself. Really understand and respect your likes and dislikes. I have met many people who think there is something wrong with themselves simply because their partner doesn’t like a particular trait or behavior they have. They are trying to change or fix something that another person might adore. Too many people come to me thinking they have negative self esteem when all they have is a partner who is negative about them. When I make the actual problem clear to them the solution is easy to see, not be easy to do, but freeing when actually done. Good education will help you avoid getting into difficult to leave situations. So get well educated and finding love will be much less scary.

Valentine’s Day Part 4

Though the actual day has passed the prices of finding and developing a loving relationship is a continuous process   So here goes…

So how do you relax? A warm bath, a leisurely stroll, a massage, a little and I mean a little sake (never mix alcohol and a bath, people have died), slow deep breathing, fishing, stretching, laughing and crying with a friend or relative even while watching a movie or listening to music. Those are good beginnings. Yoga, meditation, weight training, karate, judo, tai chi, chi gong, self hypnosis, are more advanced taking more time and effort.

I find taking a moment to think of all the things in my life that I appreciate and am grateful for relaxes me. I also love being in nature taking in the sounds, smells, and scenery. During the day I love watching clouds as they dance in the sky. Rainbows are sometimes just rainbows but at other times they are signs. Bird song is beautiful and strangely relaxing. The other day a red cardinal showed me which ti leaf plant I should pick leaves from for a blessing. The sound of rain. That’s the drawback of living in a building I think, you can’t hear the rain or the birds singing. But sometimes buildings are the perfect place to watch clouds; it’s like being on a mountain. At night star gazing and feeling the cool clean night air is dreamy.

Sorry I drifted away. Just thinking about the way nature relaxes me made me relaxed. Just writing about it to you made me feel great! Thank you! Writing to you, becoming relaxed is a perfect example of the way both journaling and writing down what you appreciate can relax you and lift your spirit. So I’ll keep this post short and stop here do you can do some feel good writing of your own.

Valentine’s Day Part 3

Let’s say you do meet someone. What now? Relax. Seriously. Relax. If you try to hard you will become unnatural and the person will not experience the real you. If they don’t get to know the real you then who are they dating? An illusion. Without meaning to you will be fake. Then you will not know who you are dating either. The other person will assume they are responding and relating to you when they are relating to who you think you should be to impress them or get them to like you. Without meaning to be you are dishonest. Like a ninja trying to accomplish a mission.

Love is not a military mission. Love is honest. Love takes time to grow and changes like the seasons. Every winter is the same and different at the same time. Life and love evolve. Evolution is natural. There is a yin and yang balance. We can appreciate or fight against the way life changes.

In Japan Cherry Blossom or sakura season is fleeting. The flowers are very fragile. Sometimes right after they bloom a heavy rain comes a takes them all down. At other times the weather is gentle and the flowers may stay for weeks. This fragile fleeting beauty is one of the reasons the flower is so special to Japanese. It reminds them that life is fleeting and so you should enjoy the beauty of it while you can. Every sakura season is the same but different, and yet always beautiful. Each day and each season is the same.

Go with the flow, but choose the flow. Avoid the flow of anxiety and stress. Choose the flow of joy, serenity and relaxation. Be thankful for a relationship even if it might not last. Any experience is valuable and adds to your life. Of course don’t let yourself be used or taken advantage of. Be sensible. Respect yourself. This is why being authentic and real is important. The more grounded you are the less chances you will be fooled by anyone else. So keep a journal. When you write something down that bothers you or raises a red flag about the other erosion or yourself you will see it better than if it stays a passing thought. Your intuition will signal you and you will catch it. Hopefully if you have followed my advice till now you won’t get into a bad situation, but if you do you will be better prepared to catch it and take the right course of action. Again being relaxed will help you meet the best people or alert you to a bad choice.

Valentine’s Day Part 2

If you’re really stuck on finding romance you are actually working against yourself. It’s similar to trying to get pregnant, at least in America. Many women in America spend so much time building their careers that by the time they are ready to have children their bodies are not. There is a huge fertility business in America. Often after a couple have tried everything, and given up on having a baby, is when they get pregnant.

I know of countless couples who have given up getting pregnant, adopted a child, and then got pregnant naturally. Almost as many couples gave up getting pregnant and started planning for a life without a baby only then to get pregnant. It seems that when a couple doesn’t try to have a baby, relaxes, and lets nature take its course that they get pregnant.

This is why in Part 1 Of this series I suggested you do anything but focus on finding romance. Sometimes just going out and enjoying life makes you more attractive, but even here you don’t want to try to enjoy life. Don’t make it a job or mission. Be authentic. Be real. That’s why I didn’t say anything about attracting romance last time. If you thought it was some kind of technique or method for attracting love you would not be authentic or real. Then you certainly would not be attractive because being fake is never attractive.

So go out and enjoy life. Do something meaningful. Do something that warms your heart. Let your spirit shine naturally. Have such a good time that you forget about finding love or attracting a mate. This is the best way to find true love.

Valentines Day Part 1

Soon it will be Valentine’s Day. Few people know that it is named after a saint. Most people think of Valentine’s Day as a day of romance. Like Christmas Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to show love, not just to romantic partners, but to all sentient beings. So if you are getting depressed because you don’t have a special romantic someone to share Valentine’s Day with don’t give up yet. Think of people, or even animals and plants, in your life that have meaning to you. Do something nice for them. Part of romance is giving and seeing your special someone happy.

There is little known about Saint Valentine other than he was martyred. He died for love. Thankfully we don’t have to die to show our love. We can share happiness because other people in the past, have of themselves or gave themselves, they sacrificed for us today. Keeping the spirit of giving alive is a good practice. If giving makes you tired it is not true altruistic giving. Real giving is energizing. Don’t just take my word for it. Think of a time you did something for someone and afterward you felt great. If you’ve never had the feeling it’s never too late. Go out and do something for someone. It can be something as small as paying for their coffee.

Go out and do something joyful. Think of something that feels good to do like visit animals in a zoo or humane society, children in the hospital or seniors in a care home. You could do what Buddhist do and buy fish from a pet store and set them free in a river or pond, but first check with your local government to be sure those fish won’t disturb the local ecosystem. You could even feed birds in a park. Get the spirit of love and giving moving inside of you in a positive way and it just may bring you great luck in other areas of your life. If nothing else it will bring a smile to your face.