The young woman pounded her fist on the table and asked, “How do I fix my relationship!” A bit amused I asked, “Are you going to do this all by yourself.” Without hesitation she said, “Yes!” “What’s the point?”, she didn’t understand my question and began to explain herself. I stopped her, “If you are going to do this all by yourself, then do you really have a relationship with another person?”
Her mistake is a common one. People either get scared of not getting what they want, or of losing a relationship, they begin to try too hard and completely dominate the relationship. When this happens it becomes a relationship of one person with their self. To have a good relationship it is important to communicate and share in the development of the relationship. If communication, appreciation, and participation fails then the relationship fails. Recognizing this failure can be painful, but at some point it may be better to leave than force each other to stay.